August 2010
13 posts
Okay you guys, last night i got a stern talking to that my blog posts are too long and too insane so I’m going to try to make this short. So, I never watch TV, which is why the only thing I can really blog about is my vagina, other peoples vaginas, and things people put in their vaginas. I pretty much bomb at the water cooler. But the Real Housewives of DC has been haunting me; probably...
So, the Roast of David Hasselhoff has yielded a saga. A shit storm, folks. I’m trying to figure out if I went to far, if I did the right thing, if I’m a complete asshole, if my karms is completely fucked, etc. Somebody tweeted a video they recorded of my set the night it aired and I read the comments to see what people I don’t know and who don’t have an obligation to be...
It’s not often that I can seriously say “today America sucks less.” But today I actually can say that because a new, more effective morning after pill is now available. Well, it was approved by the FDA a weeks ago but I’ve been too busy having sex with strangers without condoms while I’m ovulating to blog about it until now. Gone are the days where I have to use the Secret as a form of birth...
Here are the jokes from the Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff that didn’t make broadcast that I did on Howard Stern this morning.
Seth mcfarlane. You’ve officially done the impossible. You’re a multi millionaire, you’ve created successful shows, you can help my career, yet I still don’t want to fuck you.
What a bunch of idiots. I haven’t seen this many dicks up close since pilot...
I tried to resist. I’m trying to have more class in general, but this is just so up my alley. I mean it’s pretty sad that I even have an alley that has things like this up it in the first place but such is life.
This is a light, modeled by a man who is at least forty five and a woman who looks eerily like Courtney Thorne-Smith, that you put on the side of your face so you can give...
Most of my friends are guys. It’s pretty sad. That’s just sort of comes with the territory when you’re a female comedian, sort of like comedy club chicken tenders and ringworm. All my relationships with male comedians are strictly platonic, which can get a little insulting. I mean, none of them ever try to have sex with me. Not even by accident. I’m sure this has nothing to do with my Avitar-like...
It pisses me off when people have secrets of looking good or saving money or something and don’t share them. It’s fucking annoying and tacky. Like when someone asks a skinny actress how they stay thin and they’re like “I cook and walk my dogs and play the guitar!” and they really have a tape worm and starve themselves and work out three hours a day and do meth twice a...
So I have a problem. Well, I have numerous problems but I think the most severe one at the moment happens to be my online shopping addiction. You guys, you order something online and then a couple days later it’s AT YOUR DOOR. It’s literally magic. And I usually forget that I ordered something and I’ll randomly open my door one day when I’m stepping outside my place to have...
WatchSome clips from my hour special, classily entitled “Money Shot.” Airs August 21st at 11:30. Balls, vaginas, etc.
Watch
WatchAUGUST 21ST AT 11:30 BITCHES
