Here’s the latest thing that promised to magically transform my life that I spent money on. I’m a big fan of aimlessly throwing money at my problems, but not in productive ways like therapy or yoga-too boring. I prefer colorful, fun things like crystals, beads, or candy with anti-oxidants in it. Generally speaking, I prefer psychosomatic results to actual results.
This is called the Q Link and It’s supposed to “reduce stress, increase energy and stamina, and reduce the symptoms of fatigue and jet lag.” It “reduces the effects of EMF radiation.” I don’t know what EMF radiation is but I certainly don’t want that shit all up in my space. It’s powered by “next generation SRT3.” I don’t know what that is, so I figured I needed it.
As much as I would be the first to admit that this wearing this medallion around is batshit crazyballs, I’m kind of embarrassed to say I think it works. Maybe it’s just me trying to get my money’s worth, but I’m to the point where I won’t even take it off when I shower. I’m worried my hair is going to fall out or my heart is going to stop or something. The only problem with it is explaining to people what it is when they see you wearing it. It’s hard to explain what it is without sounding like a complete sucker and moron. I have found the only way to handle people asking about it is to headbutt them and walk away.
P.S. I had some people accuse me “getting paid to blog.” Or they think I’m officially endorsing products? First of all, thanks for reading my blog. Second, if I was getting paid to blog I wouldn’t be able to act like this much of an asshole, you asshole. Nobody wants their products featured on a page where I talk about vaginas and balls. I’d be surprised if people didn’t start paying me to not talk about their products. If I am writing about a product that I think is awesome, it’s because I think it’s awesome and am trying to help your life. When I sell out and start officially endorsing products, trust me, you’ll know because I’ll be so rich I’ll have an assistant blog for me and I’m sure it will be a lot more entertaining and coherent.